I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize