Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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