wat bout pragnant strippers??
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
