this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Randomize
