So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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