what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
