I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
