i was born a porn star she said
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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