I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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