were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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