Moan for me like Helen Keller
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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