Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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