just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
try to milk me bitch
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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