Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
