well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
