I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
