Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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