Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
