I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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