She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
