You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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