I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
