It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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