he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
