Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
