I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
