Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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