I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
