either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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