I cockslap morals
high people should be assigned attendants
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
