Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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