i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
you are never too drunk for berry picking
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
