My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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