bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
