i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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