He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Randomize
