he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
