He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
