so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We left the knife in your bed.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
