Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
