I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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