I want to make a zoo with you.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
