i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize