I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
