Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
