There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
