I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
