just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
