swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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