she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
