I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
