I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
