i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude i'm inner monologue high
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
