are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
