All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize