Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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