I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
