youre lurking in front of me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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