Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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