So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
