Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
