Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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