Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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