i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
