Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
