I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
