accomplished twins. life is a go
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize