my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
