Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
