I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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